Reasons Why I Hate The Summer.

>So, today's the hottest day thus far, very well, as I sit here, baking in my own skin, I pause to wonder why people rave about Summer so much.

So, in my humble words, a few reason why Summer sucks more than than Celine Dion's cover of AC/DC's 'You Shook Me All Night Long', which can be seen here.

1. It's too bright - The sun makes everyone facing one way scowl like they're passing a brick (or look like dicks and wear sunglasses), and everyone facing the other way get second-degree burns all over their backs.

2. It brings out the worst in people's fashion - Seriously, you're fat, I can say this because I'm fat as well, but I'm not wearing short shorts and a low-cut top am I? Nor would I were I you, especially not when I'm about fifty-six and everyone can see where I'm sweating from. Everyone, I say.

3. Kids - The Summer means kids go out to play in their gardens. Fine. But when a family decides in order to make the most of the summer, they need to invite every member of their sprawling family over, it can begin to grate. Young kids get hyper in the sun, rather than burnt like in the good old days, so whenever anyone on my street decides to let the little bastards out all I can hear is them shrieking at each other whilst they play their games. Oh and these family get-togethers always have at least four kids fall over and graze their knee, so I have to hear them bawling for about thirty minutes at a time.

4. Adults - Ok, maybe in the daytime I can understand you wish to sit out on the lawn with a cool glass of Pimms or whatever it is you drink, I can put up with that as I can drown you out with unseasonal music. However when this option goes away at night, why must you sit next door and converse in extremely loud voices until about 2am? I don't care what it is yo have to say, and there's a good chance no-one else present does either, so shut up.

And no, closing my window is NOT an option, because to sleep in the Summer with a bedroom window closed is impossible.

5. Sleep - In fact, sleeping at all during the summer is harder than MCR fans around members of the same sex. By the time 2.30am creeps around and you've thrown off all your sheets to cool down, you're past tired and just want pizza, which you can't have because it's too damn hot. For the fortunate who eventually pass out into slumber, they're rewarded by waking up in a bed of their own sweat, and a dire urge to eat pizza anyway.

6. Clothes - If you're fat*, you can't wear anything lighter than black due to sweat patches. And black is a fucking stupid colour to wear in Winter.

7. Driving - Your car turns into a freaking oven, the seat belts are too hot to touch, your steering wheel melts upon contact and all the 'Cold air' blowers do is turbo-charge warm air around the car. Best solution is opening the window, however this allows for: too much engine noise, an inability to hear your music, the the warm breeze messes your hair up and makes you go blind, and you're prone to getting dragged out through the window, stabbed, mugged, shot and having your car stolen.


* Disclaimer - I am fat.